evolution

The lie: I’ll never get there.

Between the LIEnes: I’m scared of all the work I’ll have to do in exchange for no guarantees of getting there.

I wanted to use this week’s blog post as an opportunity to reflect on my evolution as a person.

Earlier this week, I had an incredible revelation while I was on a ‘typical’ early-morning beach run. I say typical because I’m an avid runner and it’s not unusual for me to wake up at the crack of dawn and run along Australia’s beautiful coastline. But I say ‘typical’ because this run wasn’t typical when compared to the hundreds, if not thousands, of runs that came before it.

Ten years ago, I graduated from high school. The following year, I started university. And it was here, surrounded by people from all walks of life, where I realised that there was so much outside of what I knew and what I thought was possible for myself.

And instead of scaring me, this realisation excited me.

Okay, it scared me a little, but it mostly excited me.

Each new person I spent time with, each new area of my hometown I discovered, and each new experience I had were brushstrokes of a painting that was starting to form in my mind: a picture of the life I wanted to live.

I wanted to be a scientist who specialised in cancer. I wanted to be working at a reputable pharma company, helping to deliver life-changing drugs to patients with cancer. I wanted to be well-travelled, and I wanted a job with frequent travel. I wanted to be earning enough money to buy and independently live in a nice house in the area of my hometown that I’d fallen in love with. I wanted to be a stone’s throw away from my favourite shopping mall, and I wanted my favourite stretch of coastline to be my local running track.

And most importantly, I wanted to be a writer ‘on the side’.

And on Tuesday morning, after spending the previous evening writing the prologue of my second book, I woke up at dawn for the first time in the beautiful house I own in the area of my hometown that I’ve been in love with for years.

And with hours to spare before I was due to start my day of work as an oncology scientist at one of the world’s top pharma companies, I laced up my well-worn sneakers, jumped in my car, and after a seven-minute drive during which I passed my favourite shopping mall, I arrived at my favourite stretch of coastline.

And as I began running, this powerful realisation washed over me:

I’d evolved into the person I’d always wanted to be.

I was living the reality I’d been imagining for a decade.

It was a jarring experience to say the least, and it’s crazy to think back to all the times when the going got tough and I lied to myself by saying that I’d never get to this point. In truth, I was just terrified of all the work I’d have to do and all the changes I’d have to make to make such a reality possible.

But now that I’m at this point, I’m so glad I made all those changes. In fact, they’re no longer changes to me now – they’re my way of life:

1.     I’m always willing to learn, no matter how long it takes me.

I learned how to be comfortable with being a beginner and to trust that with time and repeated effort, I would become better and then eventually, a master. And I also learned to be especially kind to myself when things take more effort and time for me to understand. Needing more effort or time doesn’t make me incapable of mastering something – not persevering or trying at all is what will make me incapable.

2.     I stopped arguing with people just for the sake of proving I was right.

If gently challenging people didn’t work, I let them think they were right, even though I knew they weren’t. I let them work it out themselves (or not) and come to their own conclusions. As long as I know I’m right and I act accordingly, that’s enough for me.

3.     I learned how to avoid sinking in the ‘that’s not possible’ quicksand.

Outside the anatomical constraints of a human body, anything’s possible, period. I apply for jobs even if I don’t meet all the requirements in the ad. I don’t fall victim to people’s doom and gloom mentality of life being unaffordable or incapable of improving. I make sure to experience things for myself before forming an opinion on the matter based on my own experience, and 99% of the time, I don’t end up agreeing with the other person’s mentality.

I landed my oncology scientist job without the PhD everyone told me I needed for it.

I bought a house despite ‘experts’ on the news repeatedly saying that ‘today’s young people’ will never be able to afford to buy property ‘with the way the economy’s going’.

I’ve embodied the solo traveller movement and been to some incredible places that I could have missed out on seeing had I sat around indefinitely, waiting for other people to be ready to come with me.

I refuse to stay within the generalised limitations imposed on me by people who aren’t living my life. I define my limitations.

4.     I hold myself accountable for my actions and their outcomes.

If I choose to never date again after one failed relationship, then I’m the one responsible for ending up alone. As easy as it is to blame him (and men as a whole while I’m at it), the boy who dumped me is not responsible for my actions after he dumps me.

If I choose to never try for a promotion again after being rejected the first time, then I’m the one responsible for my lack of career progression, not the recruiter who rejected me.

If I choose to stop writing these blog posts because no one’s reading them, then I’m the one responsible for stalling my writing journey, not all the people who won’t read my work.

5.     I don’t let the hardships of life turn me bitter.

There have been many times when I’ve been treated like less than I deserve. And even though I took it personally at the time, looking back, the other person’s actions were rarely personal.

And I never knowingly inflict the same pain on another person purely because they did it to me first. I distance myself while I calm down and process their hurtful actions, sure, but I’ve become good at letting it go.

#5 is a good one to end on because the ramifications have both helped and hindered my growth. Giving people the benefit of the doubt and forgiving their hurtful actions towards me has helped me gain peace of mind because I’m not using brainpower to hold a grudge.

But this top-tier empathy and understanding have also led me to tolerate behaviours that I shouldn’t have and compromise on principles I should have upheld.

And this is to be the next phase of my continuous evolution: setting healthy boundaries and diplomatically standing up for myself to ensure I’m properly balancing forgiveness with personal integrity.

As the next decade of my life unfolds, I look forward to getting to know the person I’m evolving into next and experiencing all the crazy shit she’s capable of.